Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
