all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
