Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
