Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
