Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
