my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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