ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
