3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
