I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
