On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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