If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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