there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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