The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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