i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
