Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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