Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
