I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You don't make any sense
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