i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
