I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
