i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
