I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this boner is exhausting
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
