My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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