He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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