he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
