I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
