the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
MIDGETS
????
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
