I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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