im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
