I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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