I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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