I have demons in me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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