My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
