And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
