u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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