just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
