Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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