btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
