I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Congratulations! We have a period
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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