I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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