I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
