I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
