I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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