I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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