We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize