someone get that fucking seahorse.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
