Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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