I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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