Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You need a sexual gate keeper
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
