mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
