go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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