I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
