Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
