he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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