I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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