Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
