I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
