even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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